I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
