im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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