He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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