i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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