FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
