so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
