Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
