My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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