I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
