I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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