First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
