My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
