Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
