Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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