i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
