but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
