So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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