Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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