How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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