they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
