First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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