I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
