Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize