Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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