Duck Duck Cougar?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
