I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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