hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
