i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
