I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
