You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
