How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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