i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
