And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
