Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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