well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
