I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
