Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
