And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
