if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
