would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
