I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
soo... how was my night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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