She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
