loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
