I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
