STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
