I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
