Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
