that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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