I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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