Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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