Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
