she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
