if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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