so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
